_______________________________________________________

Correction:  Student's sentence   Corrected sentence        Grammar explanation       Better sentence   

 When Leyla draws, she’s in another world, not this war-ravaged country.

This sentence is correct.

Her school has been destroyed.

This sentence is correct.

There are occupying forces in her village. Americans.

There are occupying forces in her village, Americans.

You can connect these two sentences by adding a comma (,) after the word village.

Each trip to the water pump must be taken with care.

This sentence is correct.

She won’t even look at the soldiers.

This sentence is correct.

But then she sees a woman, a soldier.

This sentence is correct.

And she does something unexpected, then courageous.     

This sentence is correct.