There was a man called Mr Fogg. He was a rich man but people didn’t know about him. He always takes time correctly.He fired his servant because the water had a temperature of 84 degrees instead of 86 degrees. Mr Fogg had a new servant called Passepartout, he was a French man. Mr Fogg went to the Reform club where he and other mens played games. They had talked about the robbed money from the bank. Mr Fogg and other mens also talked about traveling the world in 80 days. Then Mr Fogg suggested that he could travel the world in 80 days. He went to France, Italy and Egypt.

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Correction:  Student's sentence   Corrected sentence        Grammar explanation       Better 

There was a man called Mr Fogg.

This sentence is correct.

He was a rich man but people didn’t know about him.

This sentence is correct.

He always takes time correctly.

This sentence is correct.

He fired his servant because the water had a temperature of 84 degrees instead of 86 degrees.

This sentence is correct.

Mr Fogg had a new servant called Passepartout, he was a French man.

This sentence is correct.

Mr Fogg went to the Reform club where he and other mens played games.

Mr. Fogg went to the Reform Club where he and other men played games.

"Mr." needs a period because it's an abbreviation for "Mister," "Club" is capitalized because it's the name of a specific club, and "men" doesn't need "s" because it's already plural in its base form.

They had talked about the robbed money from the bank.

This sentence is correct.

Mr Fogg and other mens also talked about traveling the world in 80 days.

Mr. Fogg and other men also talked about traveling the world in 80 days.

"Mr." needs a period because it's an abbreviation for "Mister," and "men" don't need "s" because it's already plural in its base form.

Then Mr Fogg suggested that he could travel the world in 80 days.

Then Mr. Fogg suggested that he could travel the world in 80 days.

"Mr." needs a period because it's an abbreviation for "Mister."

He went to France, Italy and Egypt.

This sentence is correct.